Saturday, July 24, 2010

I Can Win Again for Jeo Through God

On Jan 1st,1986,Fifteen minutes after me, Jeo arrived …We born on a place called Kalpetta in wynad district. So i'm the first in the world. He used to say he kicked me out.We used to fight to determine who born first.He used to accept that i'm 15 minutes chechi for he used to call me chechi in a mocking sense. We have a unique sense of humor.From birth onwards,we are together, we loved each other, we hated each other, we were inseparable …

I was not exactly remembering our LKG and UKG classes.But some small memories are der.We used to go together in school carrying same school bag,bottles,lunch,snacks and all.Our elder brother are also with us.while walking along the road,we used to fight with each other,we tried to reach first in school and a lots.people around us used to watch us and they'll comment something about us.when me and Jeo used to walk in one umbrella,he used to say "oru kudayum valiya pengalum" means "one umbrella and a big sister".He protects me from all attacks of outsiders.He got angry if anybody comments on me and he used to go to fight with them.i used to control him,because i want my sweet twin to be a good boy.We used to join for different competitions in school and if i got prize,he is more happier than me and viceversa.i'm exactly remembering each and everyday after 1st std.We joined in a school called st.Francis,nearly 30 minutes from our home.Actually our home is not exactly a home like others.Our parents struggled a lot to construct a home like that over there.Still we are remembering,what my brother wrote in his exam abt "My house",when he is in 2'nd std."My house is shop shaped".Actually it is shop shaped.So we used to dream about a house like others a lot.If somebody gives a chocolate to him,he'll show the other hand also for one more chocolate to me.He never allows others to hurt me.

School days are really awesome.Both of us are in the same class till 10th std.After that,i don't know exactly why he went to Biology class.In St.Francis school,he got a lot of pains from Sr.Lucy,the Headmistress of that school.She is also no more in earth now.May be he saw her from heaven.When we are in 4th std,she came to our class and she checked jeo's bag.she only found a big mango and 2-3 notebooks in his bag.she throw that ripen mango through the window and scolded him badly.when she scold him,i cried a lot.i can't tolerate anybody scolding him.From St.Francis school,we shifted to PHSS,perambra.We were there till 10th standard.Days over there are awesome.Lots of friends..Nice teachers..He joined in scout and he took Rajya Puraskar level.For all teachers,he is the pet.He was lazy to read books.For the exam,he is performing,just because i'm reading loudly and he is hearing the same.Both of us studied together,played together,fight together,celebrate together and a lots...For final 10th std exam he scored 515 marks and i scored 530 marks out of 600.All teachers and friends came to congratulate him.Nobody minds me.But i'm so happy and proud of my sweet twin.

After 10th std,we joined in HCHSS,cherpunkal..very far from our place.He wished to go for medical field and i took computer science as my main subject.Why,we seperated at that time?Still i don't know the reason..In that school,he was the favourite student of all teachers and nice friend of all classmates and sweet chettan of all juniors.Both of us meet during breaks and in malayalam class.2 years passed so fast.By that time,there was a lot of good and bad memories for us.

After 12th,again he took his own decision to go for Nursing.we all told him,not to take.But he is like he wants that and he wants to serve people.He is very social,smart and very helping guy for all.So we let him to go for that.I joined in an Engineering college in kerala itself and he joined in Bangalore.Eventhough we are in different place,i never feel we are far,because we used to talk daily about all incidents which are happening in our life.He knows all my friends and i know all his friends.

After completing four years of Nursing,he's back at home.Still i'm struggling with my engineering,b'cos i lost 1 year in Thrissur for repeater's class.I'm remembering the day i reached in Thrissur for repeater's class.He is consoling me like jis,don't year will over soon and you'll get good rank and you can join in good college and lots.Both of us went to a hotel and i put payasam in the rice instead of curd..He start laughing and finally it reaches to consoling.Because of his strength only,i struggled there at that time.To take each and every decision,i'll approach him and he'll approach me.

Really our family is a God's blessing.Everybody used to comment about our family.we faced so many difficult situations and our parents took a lot of pains to reach all of us till now.

Jeo went for teaching after his BSc Nursing in vishakhapattanam.He is the favourite jeo sir of all students.when he resign from there,he got a lot of gifts and cards,which we shocked after seeing all of them.He has a magical heart and smile and talk to win people.

With the intention to go abroad,he joined for IELTS course at kottayam after coming back from vishakhapattanam.He got overall score of 8,for writing,his score is only 7.5.Because of that,he did'nt get through the exam successfully and he is so sad.We consoled him a lot.At that time,he got a offer from a Nursing college in Thalassery and he joined there. He is really unique.From there also,he got a lot of fans and lot of gifts.He resigned from there to go for his higher studies.Again to the same college,where he did Bsc Nursing..Some of them are same friends..I was happy because,i got my training location also in Bangalore.So i can be with him during weekends.

Actually initial days of Bangalore life was rocking and fantastic.But gradually things start getting worse.Eventhough i'm studying harder,i'm not able to get through it initially.I cried a lot and the messages which he send to my mobile and the consoling words which he showered gives me a lot of strength and energy.He was really amazing.Each and every sunday mass which i'm attending with him from St.Thomas church will be in my mind always,because when he is with me,i feel a lot of protection,courage and the presence of God.I know how much he loved me.when he heard i'm not well,he fly to my hostel and took me to the hospital.when i got posting in pune on November 14th,2009,i'm damn sure,he is the one who felt sad,because pune is so far and he is going to miss me and viceversa.But destiny is so cruel and i forced to fly to pune and the only thing in my mind was the assurance my supervisor gave me like she'll help me to come back to Bangalore within 6 months.But the things which i faced in pune is really bad.I felt so lonely and most of the days i'm crying.I dreamt a good project in pune and again the same destiny gave me the free pool for a long time.No friends,bad food and bad place to stay.It was like a hell to me initially.So whenever i'm calling Jeo,the only thing i have to tell him was the long suffering story i'm facing here.His consoling words again made me more strength.The only hope which i got is that i took a chrismas leave for 1 i counted each and every days to go home.I fly to Bangalore again and from there me and Jeo together went to home by bus.That journey was fantastic.we talked a lot and finally we reached sweet home.

Really we rocked that christmas.The things which i quoted in my blog after christmas."A very nice christmas comes to an end.I enjoyed christmas at my sweet home with all my family members.It was a wonderful christmas,which can't be forget forever."so the thing which we are waiting is our B'day on Jan 1st,Newyear Day in which the whole world is celebrating.So it was so special to us.But at that time,i reached back to pune and i'm in pune and he is at home.As we used to do,when we are at different places,both of us starts calling eachother to wish first.I went to church at night and prayed for everybody.I felt a lot of happiness in my mind.A new year with full of expectations and dreams.Each and every days are moving very fast.when i got project in Morgan Stanley,phase 1,i was so sad and my memories goes back to the very first day in pune.It is there in my blog post on Tuesday, November 17, 2009 with caption "Pune Life!".At that time,Jeo gave me a lot of support and courage.when i reached to report in MS,i was so sad initially.After reaching in ODC,i feel so happy and i got lots of friends inside the ODC which can't forget.Some of the faces which will be always in my mind are all the managers and lots of good friends which help me to get back myself,especially sampada(who makes me happy always and consider me a lot),vincy(who gives me nice food and peaceful mind),Neha(a smiling face with short hair),Pandi(a sweet friend who always listens to my small problems),venki(who works with me with enthusiasm),Pearl(who knows me somewhat),Neel(a calm and quite person which we think as talking less,but actually not),Nitin(who greets me with his nice smile),Lakshmi(ammu who works a lot),Surabhi,Sakthi,Sachin,Girish,Kiran,Saurabh,Ashuthosh,Deepali,Anita,Maninder,sanket,Appu.....that list will go a lot...And my church friends,JY friends,all Aunties and Uncles which helped me a lot in my difficult situation.. and Thanks to all of you who helped me a lot.

Really i wanted to complete it.But i can't..i do not have that much strenghth now.I have a lots to write again.But I'm stopping here now.As the time comes  or when i will get back my presence of mind,i'll try to complete it..Have no energy and presence of mind to write more.Hope God will give strength to me and my family.
it is not like losing a brother or sister, but with those two mentioned, you are losing your other half and best friend.

“You should put your twin behind you and go on with life.” How can you put one half of yourself behind you? How do you go on ‘alone’ when alone you have never been? Twins are not chameleons and not an animal that can regenerate its tail. Twins look in the mirror and see their twin – “I know it’s me, but I see my twin.”

Being Twinless is actually a dichotomy; you are connected and born as a twin but you now live out your life as a ‘singleton’. You are an apple but you have donned the skin of an orange. Underneath that façade you are still an apple.

The sadness for the female twin who struggles on in the absence of her abiding twin brother. Sometimes one thinks there is no justice in life.

There is no magic Twinless pill. No other human person can bear your burden; your spiritual life will be your greatest comfort.

Whatever your choice of response is, may it be to the glory of God and in honor and respect to your twin.

The twin bond has been described as the closest and most enduring of human social relationships. The loss of a twin has been described as one of the most tragic and devastating events in the lives of the surviving co-twins.

Typical grief reactions of siblings include sleep disturbance, guilt, depression, anger, shock, confusion, numbness, and increased fears.

twins tend to be closer than singleton siblings, depending on each other more and forming their identities around each other .

many twins concentrate their relationships on each other, not spending as much time with other siblings, neighborhood children, or even parents. When they lose each other, they lose most of the social support they had developed .

most twins have very limited experience of being alone, and the loneliness when one dies is often unprecedented for them .

The sense of isolation and "being marked" that many bereft siblings feel is more severe for twins because of the belief that others do not understand the twin bond and therefore cannot possibly understand what has been lost .

twins at all life stages, shared birthdays are bittersweet reminders, symbolically bringing together the celebration of life and the sadness that the co-twin is no longer here to share in it.

It was so easy to let it continue, just drifting through life without direction, ambition or energy. Each day presented a challenge I could hardly meet: getting out of bed. Why bother? Outside that door was pain. Little did I appreciate that the pain was my creation. I planted the seed and fostered its growth inside me. How could I have expected to escape that? And yet, eventually, I did. I did not -- could not -- escape the pain, really; it was more of a defeat. I triumphed over the pain by accepting it rather than fighting it. There was no way to win that struggle. So it became OK to be hurt. To cry when a favorite song played on the radio, or when I was besieged by a familiar scent. All those seemingly little things that reminded me of Jeo became cherished memories.

As time has gone on, my twin has become taller, smarter and better looking. I can recall none of our fights, arguments, or failures. Like guardian angels, one might say - exactly like guardian angels. I take great joy from my memories and I can confidently accept any challenge life offers . . . for what will I ever face that could possibly be more daunting than this ordeal? I stand ready and say, "Bring it on."

No one knew what I meant when I said I don't know how to be one. No one knew what I meant when I cried "Why isn't she talking to me anymore?". No one has a clue what its like to have half your soul ripped out.But as somebody forced me to write in "Dreams,Life and Truth","whatever happens,the show must go on.." We are just dolls in God's hand.
As Jeo written in his blog "http:\\",It was dark in the inner soul,but dark is the way to light...Da..will meet you in light again....


Netha Hussain said...

Having a twin brother is an exciting experience..And parting him is painful..
You captured it all well in your words..
May God bless you and your brother.
Happy blogging.

Jain Jose said...

let him reach his destination..every soul thrusting to see and to reach the destiny....
We are jus human beings and only god can think beyond our imagination ..There are plans which are better than human beings..

nisar vellapully said...

He played his role in all its charm, mesmerizing its our well.he would be enjoy his beloved ones bliss n glorry with his naughtee smile.
Hence rememebr,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

deeps said...

not something that i would have liked to read... but reality is harsh and unpredictbl at times just doesnt play the song we want...whatever song it chooses is the tune we have to hum ...

REBIRTH,IMMORTALITY AND RENEWAL: How to install Oracle SQL Developer in my laptop?

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